Loose Pass

This week we will mostly be concerning ourselves with on-pitch comedy and false records...

Anybody notice Saturday's most heroic moment of the Test match? A particularly hard tackle perhaps? A mad, frantic dash for the corner? A nerveless touchline goal-kick?

It could have been, but we picked up something particularly impressive. Not only did Ma'a Nonu slip the tackle of one of the world's beefier players in the final minute of the game, he also then tore away for 20m before delivering a superlative scoring pass wearing only one boot?

And the whereabouts of said boot?

Like a cartoon, Nonu's would-be assailant was left clutching mere apparel with a forlorn look on his face as the All Black streaked away, which raises an interesting post-match sub-plot: what happened after? Did Smit return the boot? Did he add it to a collection? Swap it for one of his spangly gold-tongued commemorative ones? Did Nonu send him the other one with the score of the match embroidered into the tongue?

Answers on a postcard please... and enjoy the pic that shows cartoonists really do take their inspiration from real life!

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Is anybody else getting a little sick of Gavin Henson's non-return to rugby being the story of the day? We certainly are. He is not coming back to rugby - not even the most super of supermen could waltz back into a pro league these days having missed a year and a half of action and pre-season.

But the rumours continue to persist, with Wasps said to be in line to make the signing this week.

Really? Let's consider the facts: celebrity girlfriend/fiancee/ex: check. Public misdemeanours: check. Appearances on frilly TV shows: check. Oodles of talent but highly suspect physique and mental strength in the face of many injuries: check.

Yup, it would be Cipriani mk.II as far as Wasps were concerned. So, let's have a look at the coaching staff when Cipriani was let go and see who's still around...

Tony Hanks: check. Shaun Edwards: check.

Hanks and Edwards took phone calls from one Lawrence Dallaglio in the wake of Cipriani's departure, with Dallaglio asking, as directly as only he can, why such a stellar talent was being let go so easily.

The terms "exasperating", "vulnerable", "no loss" and "too high maintenance" were used in some extensive replies that more than satisfied England's former number eight.

So given all that info: Henson and Wasps a good fit? Pull the other one...

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Congratulations to Dan Carter, who surpassed Jonny Wilkinson as the highest Test points scorer for his country... but a few words of temperance are necessary too.

Carter has scored more for New Zealand - 1118 - than Wilkinson has for England - 1111 (cricket fans stop crossing yourselves) - but factor in Wilkinson's 67 British and Irish Lions points and England's golden boy is still twenty penalties/twelve tries/thirty conversions ahead, with Wilkinson on 1178.

Some purists don't like to include the Lions figures because it's not for the one country, which is a reasonable - if somewhat pedantic - basis to consider things from, but if that's the case, the door should swing both ways and Carter should also lose the points he's accrued in Lions Tests.

That is - remember that fabulous display in Wellington - 44 points, leaving Carter with only 1074 in 'pure' internationals, still 37 points behind.

He will, injury permitting, overtake Jonny one day. On all counts. It could even be within the year. But Carter's not quite there yet.

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After watching the SA-AB clash at the Villager Rugby Club in Cape Town on Saturday, a number of grass-roots people asked the heavens what on earth was going wrong with SA Rugby - more specifically, why the new players were not quite up to scratch?

It does beg a question. But asking what's going wrong in SA is not the right way to look at it, a better way to look at it is to ask what's going right in New Zealand?

Super 14 showcases the elite and will always be, more or less, an even playing field. Below Super Rugby in the two countries there are vast differences.

The ITM Cup has been regulated by salary caps for three years now and it has produced as vibrant and open a competition as you could wish for. Southland top, Counties Manukau second, Waikato and Canterbury mid-table. It would have been unthinkable without the salary cap but it's wonderful to watch.

Anybody can beat anybody among the 14 teams on their day, everybody is competitive. All the players thrive and everybody either has the chance to shine or to learn at the coalface. That's nearly 300 players on any given match weekend, all more or less on the same level.

The Currie Cup - eight teams only - has no such regulation in place and is about as dull and uninteresting a competition as you could wish for except the occasional big game. One-sided attackfests occur with anaesthetizing regularity, mis-matches from which players learn barely anything.

It is ring-fenced by perpetual practice, with the Blue Bulls and Western Province especially hoarding players by the dozen 'in case of injury' and for 'squad depth'. The players from the top teams are rarely tested.

The smaller unions don't stand a chance and dozens of players miss out, swallowed by the bloated nature of the multiple competition-less academies set up by the larger unions to retain players. Most of them get fed up and disappear to France. There is a similar problem on a much bigger scale in South African club rugby too.

If South Africa want to make sure the players they bring through develop apace, it's about time they ensured a thriving domestic competition. That involves a measure of control from the national union on the Currie Cup provinces and some degree of restriction in the name of fair competition.

All the current Currie Cup teaches players is how to win matches between teams that are flawed in strength before they even step onto the turf. New Zealand's new generation, brought through the regulated system, has moved well beyond that now.

Loose Pass compiled by Richard Anderson