Loose Pass

Welcome to Loose Pass - our weekly assortment of disjointed thoughts. This week we will be mostly concerning ourselves with penny gamblers and the wrath of God...

A loss at home, the Championship all but lost and calls for new blood (if not his blood) ringing in his ears - so what does Martin Johnson do? He makes one unforced change to his side, calling up Joe Worsley for Lewis Moody. This is not a man who would wow the tables in Monte Carlo.

That the "longest selection meeting of his managerial career" bore just one change scuppers all hope of a mass clear-out of the tried and detested ahead of Rugby World Cup 2010.

That said, Loose Pass feels a certain schadenfreude in having identified Moody as the weakest link following England's slim win over Italy.

But we were way, way off the mark with our prediction on who should fill the openside berth. Let's just say that there should be an Armitage in the side, and on current form it certainly is not Delon. Call us simpletons but there's a seven on the jersey, not a six.

The trouble with replacing one lumbering giant for another is that it does nothing to soothe England's schizophrenic habit of kicking the ball with no purpose one game, running the ball with no purpose the next.

There's a sneaking belief that England have quite a handy backline tagged to their pack of plodders. But until the two disparate groups start communicating we won't know whether the tractor is towing a Sunseeker yacht or a dinghy.

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Two quotes from two of the week's biggest stories - and a ghastly symmetry.

"Staying in Ireland was a huge decision. All players in Ireland are looked after very well by the Irish Rugby Football Union. We're not forced to play with injuries. There's a limit to the amount of games we play, so in that respect we've been very lucky. The union have got it right in trying to prolong careers and helping guys play at the top level and peak at certain times. Being able to stay in Ireland close to family and friends and play for the province that I love has made a huge difference."

"It depends on the economy. The solution is not a sport solution, it is an economical solution and that is the problem really ... In principle we need two things in the professional system: we need proportionality and we need consistency. We need to adapt our system for those two elements, to be sure that we can manage the universality process to be fair with clubs around the world depending on nationality and the format of the competition."

In the first, Ireland skipper Brian O'Driscoll hails his superiors for allowing him the chance to win his 100th cap, which he shall do against Wales in Dublin on Saturday.

In the second, IRB boss Bernard Lapasset reflects on the latest club-versus-country row, this one surrounding England's James Haskell.

We'd guess that the story we'd prefer to write about is also the one you'd prefer to read. So why should we have to waste our time on all this red tape? Money should be directed towards the grass-roots of the game, not to lawyers.

If a player chooses to become a commodity to be traded, neither he nor his various bosses can complain about becoming embroiled in this sort of nonsense.

And if soccer can navigate the intricacies of joint-ownership of player, why can't rugby?

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First they outlawed the humble punch. Then the dump tackle got the kibosh. Fancy a nice slice of shoepie? Sorry, it's now off the menu.

And now Nanny says we can't shout when charging down kicks.

For those of you fearing the emasculation of rugby, look away now!

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Rage is general all over Ireland.

No, no one has spear-tackled a folk hero or stood on the wrong section of red carpet. This is worse. Much worse.

The big Magners League fixture between Munster versus Leinster has been scheduled for Good Friday - a day on which pubs must remain closed.

Local publicans are seeking a court order that will allow drink to be sold on the holy day, arguing that related festivities could raise €5m (£4.5m) for Limerick's battered economy. Local politicians have reportedly backed the move.

But the plan has drawn the wrath of the Franciscan friars of Moyross, just a stone's throw from Thomond Park.

"I heard someone quoted this week who said that rugby is more important than religion - that's just ridiculous and it's a shame," said Brother Shaun O'Connor.

"If you identify yourself as a Catholic, then you should be nowhere near Thomond Park or a pub on that day.

"It really shows you who you are worshipping, is it God or is it mammon? This is like something out of the Old Testament. If you're going against God and making a public stand about it, then you are serving mammon over God.

"I don't care how much money you pull in, it will backfire on you on a spiritual level."

Gulp. We await developments with interest.

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The great JPR Williams was known for his trickery on the field, but he wasn't able to sidestep the law after he was pulled over for a breath test. (No, he wasn't in a golf cart.)

Cardiff Magistrates' Court heard the Wales and Lions legend was stopped in his red Audi cabriolet after spending the day watching a match involving London Welsh.

Hannah Norton, prosecuting, said officers immediately smelled alcohol and took the 61-year-old to a police station.

She said: "Mr Williams had to be instructed twice to remove items from his mouth, those being three one-penny coins. Your worships, there is a myth that copper from those coins can interfere with breathalyser machines at the police station."

A myth, indeed - and a surgeon should really have known better.

But one suspects our man's goose was cooked long before he reached into his pocket. The court heard that he was told to apply the handbrake after he was pulled over because "he appeared not to realise his car was rolling backwards".

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In an attempt to fly a flag for the north in the perpetual our-lads-are-better-than-your-lads battle of the hemispheres, we decided to keep close tabs on Andy Goode's progress in the Super 14.

Sadly, one smart drop-goal aside, we haven't been able to muster much ammunition.

His only plaudit thus far came from an Australian commentator: "Ah! And there it is: the only comb-over in Super Rugby."

Now that's just mean.

Indeed, the fact that he has received two yellow cards in just two appearances makes us believe that he's not welcome down that end of the world.

And to think how nice we are to visitors from the south! Carl Hayman must bat away a marriage proposal a week - and those are just the ones proffered by Stuart Barnes.

Okay, playing the etiquette card is pretty underhand, but what else have we northerners now got?

Compiled by Andy Jackson