Weakest Link Rugby Special

Anne Robinson and the players

Earlier this year, the BBC broadcast a Rugby Special of the popular television quiz game The Weakest Link. Nine rugby players, representing five countries, took part against the black-clad Queen of Acerbia, Anne Robinson. It was done in aid of charity and produced a touching result.

The players taking part were Will Greenwood, Colin Charvis, Brian Moore, Geordan Murphy, Austin Healey, Matt Dawson, Simon Taylor, Thomas Castaignède, Matt Dawson and Martin Bayfield.

Gold-topped Anne Robinson ran the show with her acid deliberateness though from time to time her sharp edge crumbled. She almost flirted with one of the players.

We shall be giving a transcript of proceedings but in several episodes.

She explains the game:

QA: Welcome to a Rugby Edition of the Weakest Link. These nine strapping men , all in prime condition, are used to pressure.
We'll see.
They could win up to fifty thousand pounds for charity, but if they want the money, our dream team will have to work together. Yet only one man will go home with his national pride intact as round by round we lose the player voted The Weakest Link. Let's meet the team.

The players stand in a slight arc facing Anne Robinson with stands in front of them. They will show her their vote at the end of each round - their red card for a team-mate. Each player introduces himself.

WG: Will Greenwood - Harlequins and England. My proudest moment was lifting the World Cup for England in Australia, 2003.
CC: Colin Charvis. I played for my country 66 times. I was born in England, I live in France and I captain Wales.
BM: Brian Moore. I played 64 times for England. I was affectionately known as Pitbull. I used to be a hooker.
GM: Geordan Murphy, Ireland and Leicester Tigers fullback. I'm hoping Ill have the luck of the Irish this evening.
AH: Austin Healey, England and Leicester Tigers. Hopefully Anne won't be getting her claws into me tonight.
TC: Thomas Castaignède, Saracens and France. The French press call me the Little Prince and I'm happy to face the Queen of Mean.
MD: Matt Dawson. I'm the England scrum-half. I also play for Northampton Saints. Nothing you're used to, Anne.
ST: Simon Taylor, No.8 for Scotland. Very excited to be here and I'm hoping all these English guys don't gang up on us.
MB: Martin Bayfield. Played 31 times for England. Anne Robinson doesn't scare me. I've worked with worse witches on the Harry Potter films.

There are nine rounds each with nine questions, the time getting shorter with each round. There is £5,000 to be won for each round. Players are allowed to bank to save money. If there is a wrong question the unsaved money disappears.

QA: We'll start with the person whose name is first alphabetically. That's you, Austin. Start the clock.
In sport, according to the popular quotation, rugby is played by gentlemen with odd-shaped what?
AH: Balls.

QA: Thomas, on a compass, which point is directly opposite west?
TC: East.

QA: Matt. In winter clothing, the scarf is worn around which part of the body - the knee or the neck?
MD: Neck.

QA: In the television series Dr Who, which beings regularly use the battle cry "exterminate"?
ST: The Daleks.

QA: Martin, what is the general name for the colour formed by mixing equal parts of red and yellow paints?
MB: Orange.

QA: Will, in time measurement, a clock strikes how many times to indicate midnight?
WG: Twelve.

QA: Colin, in English legend the female companion of Robin Hood is Maid who?
CC: Marian.

QA: Brian, in police records a mugshot is an informal name for what kind of identifying image - fingerprint or photograph?
BM: Photograph.

QA: Geordan, in geography, the Empire State Building is in which US city?
GM: New York.

At this stage the team had reached its £5,000 but, presumably unaware of this, they went on, thus risking the lot!

QA: Austin, in African wildlife, a hippopotamus is colloquially known as what?
AH: Hippo.

QA: Thomas, in human biology what 'd' is the name for flakes of skin shed by the scalp and sometimes called scurf.
Castaignède looks mystified for a while.
TC: Can you repeat the question, please.
She does so with great deliberation.
TC: Dandruff.

MD: Bank!

QA: You have reached and banked your five thousand pound target, but why didn't you bank earlier?

Who's already worrying you? Who couldnt give a ruck? Whos more thickenham than Twickenham? It's time to vote off the weakest link.

Ghost voice: In an impressive first round, Thomas is the strongest link statistically. The weakest link is Simon. But at this early stage in the game, who will lose out?

The players click their screens from the left and in various forms of writing the names appear:

WG: Austin
CC: Austin
BM: Austin
GM: Thomas
AH: Thomas
TC: Austin
MD: Austin
MB: Austin

QA: So, Will, you look a bit nervous and a bit pale, dear.
WG, solemnly: I am a little. I feel I may perhaps have let one of my old housemates and friends down. But he who lives by the sword often dies by the sword.
QA: Oh, you're a bit of a poet, are you, Will?
WG: Not at all. It's the one quote I know. Get it in early.
QA: Have you got a nickname?
WG: I have a variety of nicknames, The commonest - I presume you're going to ask me what it is? It's Shaggy. But I also go by Stick Insect...
QA: No, let's stick to Shaggy. Why Shaggy?
WG: A cartoon character.
QA: Tell you what, Will, there might be some people here who don't understand rugby. Could you explain it to us?
WG: Briefly?
QA: Yes.
WG: Two teams of fifteen a-side who try to get a ball at the opposition's end.

He grins.

QA: That's a lovely explanation. Why Austin?
WG: He's probably had most of us on various stitch-ups throughout our career and on television is as good a time as any to get him back.

QA: So, Brian, how's it going for you, dear?
BM: So far, OK.
QA: And what do they call you?
BM: Various things but one of them is Pitbull.
QA: And what do you do when you're not playing rugby?
BM: Um, go to the opera ...
QA: Have you got a job?
BM: I'm a solicitor, I'm a semi-skilled sheet metal shearer, and I'm a manicurist.
QA: You're a manicurist?
BM: Yes, Anne.
QA: Does that mean you can play in women's rugby teams?
BM: Just about.
QA: Why Austin?
BM: I don't like him.
QA: Why don't you like him, Brian?
BM: Because he's a Scouser.

A Scouser is somebody from Liverpool. Austin Healey is from the Liverpool area - and so is Anne Robinson!

QA: So, Colin, are you married?
CC: No, Anne. I'm not married.
QA: I was just wondering about your ... She points to his face which is swollen and bruised.
CC: Well, it's a rough game, this game of rugby.
QA: It must be wonderful being the Welsh captain.
CC: The Welsh are very proud of their rugby and of their heritage there. And it's a great honour for me.
QA: Yes. And it's a wonderfully beautiful country, isn't it?
CC: Second to none in my opinion.
QA: So why do you live in France?
CC: The wine's a lot cheaper, I live near the Pyrenees, the people are great and I really enjoy myself there.
QA: And as Welsh captain you must have to be an inspiration to your team. How do you encourage them to play their best?
CC: The guys are desperate to do well, so it doesn't take too much encouraging.
QA: And when did you last win a trophy?
CC: (struggling): I think it was 1994, 1995.
QA: So you haven't been a great encouragement, have you? Why Austin?
CC: Austin I thought would be a great choice to go off first because he's a cheeky lad and he can give you a bit of banter.

QA: So, Thomas. The French press call you the Little Prince. What's little about you?
TC: I don't know. I didn't find it.
QA: Well, it must be very little then, whatever's little about you. Why Austin?
TC: I thought maybe my name would go on. And so he was the only one to help me to go out.
QA: How did he help you?
TC: Well, he's a bit cheeky....

QA: So, Austin, why do you think none of them like you?
AH: Colin's a very attractive fellow. He obviously thought get rid of Austin and he'd have more chance with you.
Will, I can only presume, voted for me because I used to beat him up when he was a lad, as you can see from his face.
And, ah well, Daws my old mate, has just stabbed me in the back. Et tu, Brute?
QA: Oh, you speak Latin?
AH: Oui.
QA: Well, Austin, you are the weakest link. Goodbye.

As he takes the walk of shame he drops his trousers and shuffles off with them round his ankles.

He then addresses the television audience.

AH: I thought theyd vote me off first. So the first walk of shame I decided to do without my pants on if they voted me off. And they conspired and they sent me off and so down came the kecks.

To be continued.......